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Donald Trump Wigs Selling like Hotcakes in China

Submitted by editor on Sat, 10/10/2020 - 14:45
Trump Wigs Selling Like Hotcakes in China

Despite current trade tensions between China and the United States, a number of vendors in the "Middle Kingdom" are meeting the new market demand for imitation Donald Trump toupees. 

"Major Fashion Trend"

Chinese authorities were at first alarmed at the trend, but quickly realized it was no threat to the power and control of the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) over the country and its people.

Housefly from VP Debate sells for $35,000 on eBay

Submitted by editor on Thu, 10/08/2020 - 00:54

The house fly that alighted upon VP Pence's head during the VP debate this evening has been captured by the website nerd employed by the Debate Commission and was sold at auction on the eBay later today.

A Recent Study Proves Most Babies are Ugly

Submitted by editor on Mon, 10/05/2020 - 23:12

A recent study proves, once and for all: Most babies are ugly.

Are your progeny among them? 

Let's face it. We don't like the sight -- or smell, for that matter -- of our friends' or siblings' babies. They giggle and look at us as if they are the very gift from God Himself. But my goodness, some of them are truly ugly.

There's nothing worse than the smell of your friend's baby's diaper.

Local Man Masquerades as Alcoholic; Steals Coffee From AA Meeting

Submitted by editor on Mon, 10/05/2020 - 14:28

"Money is tight, your honor", was area man Ying Fong's response to Judge Stone's question about Fong's motivation. "I needed my daily coffee, your honor, and lattes are kinda out of my budget since I lost my job".

Fong stumbled upon the opportunity one morning as he walked passed the Henderson Building in downtown Lakewood. The strong aroma of brewed coffee led him to the front door of the place. "It was easy from there", claimed Fong.

Misuse of Apostrophes to be Outlawed

Submitted by editor on Sat, 10/03/2020 - 23:47

The misuse of apostrophes in the United States has become so rampant, the Federal Government declared a national emergency Tuesday. Just as sexual harrassment, racism and equal opportunity have all become the issues of our time, so too must we be sensitive to those people who have been quietly suffering at the hands of apostrophe abusers everywhere.

Drunk, fat homeless guy crashes party, shares Covid with 47 people

Submitted by editor on Sat, 10/03/2020 - 17:30

We've all been there. You're minding your own business at your cousin's cocktail party in the Hamptons and, all of a sudden, some obese loud guy puts his hand on your shoulder and breathes his virus spray all over your face as he explains how the coronavirus is a hoax.

He went on to infect lots of party people. 

Karl Malden's nose stolen from Tussaud's Wax Museum

Submitted by editor on Sat, 10/03/2020 - 17:16

The City of San Francisco was in shock this morning as people woke up to the news that the wax replica of Karl Malden's nose had been stolen by thieves from Tussaud's Wax Museum in San Francisco. Celebrity Michael Douglas -- an old friend of Malden's from in the 1970 series The Streets of San Francisco -- called in to show his respects. In a touching tribute to his old acting partner, Douglas talked about how his partner always had a way to "sniff out that bad guy" before the episode was over.

Supreme Court says Flatulence Protected by First Amendment

Submitted by editor on Sat, 10/03/2020 - 16:41
Supreme Court of the United States

The Supreme Court of the United States ruled Tuesday that Flatulence is protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

In a five-to-four ruling, Chief Justice Roberts read the long-winded ruling in the House of Congress press room.

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